Reflections on My Time at Moody

Going to Moody was a great experience for me. I loved it. Every moment of it. There were hard times there for me where I learned that silence was often best. I often disagreed with my associates and saw how the church lacked the love of God for one another, and often viewed 'the unsaved' as a lower class of Humans. My belief in the Church was killed with a final blow by a group known as Exodus. A 'LOVING' group that offers 'Hope' to homosexuals. I did my senior year internship with an exodus affiliate in NH. While doing the internship I decided I would watch observe God's hand in these peoples ministry. Ultimately I judged the church by this ministry. What I was taught was this... You are what you do, so don't do anything contrived as Sin by the modern church or you will be cast out. Week after week I went to this group and watched as Gay men and Lesbian females tried to learn to changetheir behaviorrr and deny what it was they felt. We read from the bible, we read propaganda style literature that taught us that our sexuality was due to poor parenting or sexual abuse by those evil gay people out there.

My mind traveled over my experience at Moody, the three passes various men had made at me left me wondering about gay baiting, (actions of straight people to Out suspected homosexuals), and also left me wondering at other passes made by men that might have been a search for love and companionship. I thought about how I had tried to help those I thought of as gay, and in the end probably only caused them more pain. The hope to be straight, the fear that we are cursed by god to be gay because we neither gave glory nor thanks to God... The thoughts of De Rose' teaching us that Homosexual men were men who were egotistical and were incapable of loving anything that was different than themselves. The thoughts of other professors teaching that homosexuality is a curse by God to those that are destined to be 'vessels of shame'. On that mental voyage I drove home from the exodus movement with this thought in my mind... God loves me as I am, without one plea.

I called Moody to tell them that I would not be attending the following semester The final blow ofthe proverbiall axe had been swung.Wetherr this was satans last temptation of my faith and I failed, or a freedom given to me by God, I will know only when I face my maker. But I have more peace in my life now than I did then. I have traveled and lived as the prodigal son for some years. I have been angry with the church, with myself, even at times God. You are left feeling rejected by the One who you loved with all your heart. Jesus Christ was my First love. A love affair for me that was more intense than any relationship I have even been in. I miss fellowship, yet despise the church. I walk to work in Boston past the state house with ladies yelling at me, "GOD IS GOING TO STRIKE YOU DOWN DEAD AND SEND YOU TO HELL." This was God's most recent spokeswoman to me, my response..."Ladies first" and to continue walking as she chanted hatred at me.

My God is a God of love, so I must now ask you, what is your God of? What is your Church of? I find the church to be a whitewashed sepulchere. The pharisees and saducees have beenresurrectedd in the spirit of the new church and high church. In these times we see patriotism, and a dedication to the status quo as being close to God. I see Christ talking in the gay bars, I don't see him yelling, but talking and letting us know that we are not apothama, we are noforsakenen. When the lady was yelling at me, Christ was on his knees near by drawing figures in the dirt that became mud with his tears. We live in sad times my friends. The church is no longer a home of God, it is vehiclele of self righteousness and political propaganda. May God have mercy on us all.

In love,
Chris