What Happens When Love is Gone?

Not too long ago I fell in love with a guy. The honeymoon period was so intense and love filled that I wished it would never end. I thought I would be with him for the rest of my life, as lovers often do.

Though time proved the relationship to be flawed, and necessitated a break up, I am happy for the experience. I’ve spent years dating men, without being able to truly give my heart to them. This was the first time that I looked at another and felt that warm embrace of love return. What this tells me is that from the past I’ve grown stronger, and that I’ve healed in many ways. Old cuts may leave scars, but it is important to remember what the scars teach us.

When I feel that my love has been betrayed, I turn inwards, to a fault. I become the watcher. I let the person choose their way, and once I feel that they have found that way I move on. Just because I have loved a few people that it turned out I couldn’t trust, does not mean that I can never trust another. What it does mean, is that I can still fall in love, just not blindly.

Love sets you free. I’ve quoted Corinthians many times in this blog, and I’ve spoken about love, loss, grief, and in general my life. I love the pictures that we get to see from day to day. The fact that there is always something new out there for me to do, someone new to meet gives me strength and peace about what is to come.

In dating I’ve come to ask myself, “What do I expect from a relationship?” I’ve found the answer to be a long, very long list of small little details that can be summed up with a few key phrases: Respect, Honor, and Love. The task is to be the man that I want to have in my life. This is an ongoing process filled with mistakes, and small accomplishments.

What happens when love is gone? We return to ourselves and realize that love never goes away, it just changes in direction.

Namaste.

I'm going to end this with yet more lyrics from another song.

"21 Things I Want In A Lover"

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative...