I sat through a movie last night virtually in tears, as the silver screen repeated off my biggest fear: That in being gay I may end the rest of my life being lonely. Though the movies setting takes place twenty years ago, the theme is time immortal to straight and gay people: We want to be love and be loved with out fear. The faces of fear are shown in the movie: We are afraid of what others may think of our love, we are afraid that the one we love will not love us back, we are afraid of unfaithfulness, we are afraid of losing our loved ones, we are afraid of never being in love and loved in return.
In a book I read not too long ago Neal Donald Walsh writes that “the opposite of love is fear.” No story has illustrated this point with such a degree of accuracy in the manner that BrokeBack Mountain does. In the movie, Brokeback is a place where two people can love freely, without fear, but their time in this Eden is short and leaves them emptier each time they eat of its fruit.
The story is fiction, the points complex, yet simplified from the day in and out of true life. The art of the story is that it resonates with us. Its sound vibrates inside of us till we feel our own loss, and loneliness in a way that we ignore and try to turn away from when confronted with. Whether its to a new affair of the heart, a bottle, or a different type of distraction from how painful Brokeback weathers our souls through youth and into adulthood.
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3 comments:
Because typed text often gets misinterpreted, picture this comment in a musing voice: ...
re: ... I sat through a movie last night virtually in tears, as the silver screen repeated off my biggest fear: That in being gay I may end the rest of my life being lonely. ...
... Boy, I had no idea my being lonely was because I was GAY, jeez!
That is an awful thought -- but now I wonder: is that the case with me? is it BECAUSE I identify that way? is every gay man like this? How cruel!
Hi Bill,
In this post I was more writing about one of my own personal fears, not a cause and effect statement that is to be applied to others. The movie reminded me of a time when I did think that if I came out I would somehow miss out on having children, on even having a stable partner.
I do not think that to be gay is to be lonely, but more of that if I let that particular fear rule my heart than it will become a self fulfilled prophecy.
Okay. Let me backtrack.
I'm lonely (at least, most of the time these days). I'm gay. The one does not necessarily have to do with the other! .... and that's true for everyone who is both of those things.
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